8. Notice if your tendency when called out is to bolt. Notice if your tendency when you bolt is to turn to a reaffirming other female friend and ask them to reassure you that you’re really not sexist. If your friend feels loyal to you, they’ll want to support you and they may see things your way, but they aren’t the one who experienced the problematic behaviour, so they’re not the one you should be listening to. A female friend who is not the person you dated may not know how you behaved in that dating context, and so may not be the best one to tell you whether you’ve actually acted like an unconscious douche. The nature of structural forms of oppression like sexism is also such that we all internalize the normalcy of oppressive behavior; discomfort with conflict or a desire to be the ‘good’ member of that group, or simply to be on your side because they are your friend, can also come into play. Be wary of your desire to just seek proof of your goodness, rather than actually being a good person by being open to learning about ways you can be a better ally. If you notice you want to retreat to women who praise you, take time to check that response to find out what you can learn from the women who trust you enough to tell you where you have blind spots.”


Wow. This is good. I do this a lot.


I want to be a honest and good and kind.



This is an interesting comment (on the blog post above) and something that I have been playing in my head. I don’t want to accept the same level of defeat that the person is expressing, but I have felt a similar feeling of resentment pop up:


I consider my self a reformed feminist male. I am the son of a single mother and have always identified with feminist struggles. In studied: I’ve read McKinnon and others. Being respectful, honest, open, upfront, suportive, in awe of women had always been a central tenet of my ethos in this world.

I even married a women who studied gender.

Fast forward a few years and all of the “equality” stuff is gone. Gone. Every stereotypical male role in a relationship has been dumped in me. Budgeting, finances, yard work, income, home repair, sex, etc. and what’s weirder- we split the other half, typically female centric roles.

So its all so one sided.

id like to hear from Any feminist men who got into feminist relationships and know 10+ years in how things are working.

It look ‘s good on paper, but for whatever reason it doesn’t hold up.”

I want to be very careful that I am not over-indulging myself, but I do feel that C often expected me to fulfill all the typical “male” household roles while splitting the rest.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s